Blair Kremkau thought he had a friend.
It was 1993, and Kremkau, then 12 years old, was early in his first season with Stratford minor hockey’s atom B team.
Mike von Lepel was one of the team’s assistant coaches who often drove Kremkau, and others, to and from practice. Von Lepel, who died in 2013, was in his early 30s at the time and, according to Kremkau, invited Kremkau to hang out at his apartment on Railway Avenue.
“You trust your coaches and put all your faith in them,” Kremkau said. “A lot of people are looking for friendships at that time. For me, he started being a friend, and he saw I liked hockey as well.”
Instead of watching a game that night, Kremkau alleges the coach put a pornography tape in the VCR and asked to see the size of Kremkau’s penis. Then he allegedly started masturbating “in my face, pretty much,” Kremkau recalled.
The young player was uncomfortable. Confused. Embarrassed.
He called his dad to pick him up.
Von Lepel — known as “Whitey” around local rinks — was doing some “weird stuff,” Kremkau remembered saying on the phone.
His dad asked if the coach had touched him.
Kremkau said no.
“I was kind of heartbroken,” Kremkau, 44, said. “I didn’t really have too many friends, and I went through some stuff in my life already at that time.”
After more than three decades of carrying the crushing weight of shame, guilt and mental anguish that nearly ruined his life, Kremkau is speaking out.
He’s also suing the Stratford Minor Hockey Association for $5 million for its alleged failure in protecting him from a predator — someone who was supposed to be a mentor.
Even a friend.
“You gotta be in charge when it comes to kids,” Kremkau said. “If you’re going to take them on to do anything, you have to keep them safe.”
For Kremkau, there were red flags before he ever visited von Lepel’s apartment.
The coach used to watch players get undressed before showering, he alleged. When other coaches left, von Lepel would sometimes strip down and get in the shower — naked — either by himself or with players, Kremkau said.
“I thought that was pretty strange.”
Still, Kremkau didn’t want to let what happened spoil his spot on the team or within the social hierarchy of adolescent boys and teammates. The “inquisitive” kid had questions but no answers.
And he wasn’t going to let anyone else in on his secret.
“It was shame,” he said. “You feel dirty from it. I didn’t want anybody to think I was gay. Kids were pretty cruel back then, and I didn’t want to give them any ammo.”
According to Kremkau, von Lepel kept driving him to the rink, and they continued to hang out at the coach’s place. Other players would sometimes join, Kremkau said, but the predatory sexual behaviour and advances allegedly only happened when it was him and von Lepel.
Maybe it was a one-time thing, Kremkau hoped.
Instead, Kremkau alleges that von Lepel repeatedly sexually abused, assaulted and molested him over the next few years, which, according to Kremkau, included fondling Kremkau’s penis, scrotum and buttocks, both while clothed and naked. He also reportedly forced Kremkau to fondle him and engage in other sexual activities.
Von Lepel gave the pre-teen his first beers and once suggested they invite underage girls to the apartment, Kremkau said.
“It was a weird situation.”
Kremkau alleges in his claim that von Lepel used his position of authority and trust, as well as the dependency relationship he fostered, to ensure Kremkau didn’t tell anyone. The “mental suffering, humiliation and degradation” was done for von Lepel’s own gratification, Kremkau said.
“I started becoming a decent player and thought maybe (he) wanted credit for that and wanted to help,” he said. “I think he was a lonely guy himself. He wasn’t a ladies’ man.”
Kremkau was 13 the first time he tried to kill himself.
Home alone, he tied a noose around his neck and slipped off the stool in the basement, falling to the ground. But the rope was too long.
No one knew.
That wasn’t the case 15 years later when Kremkau broke an ankle and an arm after jumping from the train bridge high above Erie Street.
Dying was better than acknowledging reality, even several years later, he figured.
“My world was crushed,” he said. “You put your trust in an adult and put your faith in an adult, and it was heartbreaking for me. I didn’t get along with too many people. I hung out with them, but I didn’t really feel like they were my friends.”
Alcohol and drugs could only numb the pain for so long. Kremkau was angry, and a string of violent incidents landed him in jail for four non-consecutive years.
He was homeless for two years and lived in a shack built from old plywood in a bush in the city.
“I was too proud to ask for help,” he said. “It felt like everything kept attaching to that same thing, and I didn’t want to deal with that because I didn’t want to tell anybody. Shame is a big thing.”
It wasn’t until a few years ago when a friend, who went through a similar experience outside of Stratford, came forward with his story that helped inspire Kremkau to face his past and seek professional help.
“I bottled it up and looked at the world in a whole different way from that point,” he said. “It really impacted my life.”
Kremkau had a daughter five years ago, which he said saved his life. He’s also sober.
“It was another thing to try and conquer,” he said. “Adversity is something I’m not afraid of now.”
He still meets with a therapist to make sense of a life that, in many ways, has been violated.
In his lawsuit, Kremkau alleges the Stratford Minor Hockey Association was “negligent” in its duty to protect him. He claims the association was “willfully blind to the existence” of von Lepel’s behaviour and “implemented and maintained a system which was designed to cover up the existence of such behaviour if such behaviour was ever reported.”
SMHA president Matt Smyth said the association has “engaged Hockey Canada and prospective counsel. With this being a legal matter, we are unable to comment further at this time.”
SMHA has not yet filed a Statement of Defence, and none of Kremkau’s allegations have been tested in court.
Current SMHA coaches, staff and on-ice helpers are required to obtain a vulnerable sector check and take a Respect in Sport Activity Leader, Gender Identity and Expression Course, but Kremkau wants to see more protocols — like always having two coaches in the dressing room and a parent on the coaching staff — to protect vulnerable kids, like he was more than 30 years ago.
When he thought he had a friend.
“It’s not all for nothing,” he said. “If we can change policies and make things safer for kids, if that’s what I had to go through for that to happen, I’d do it any day.
“If there’s anybody else out there, it’s a great feeling to be vindicated or people understand you a little bit better.”
