Grooming is when a perpetrator builds an emotional connection with a child to gain their trust as a way to commit sexual abuse. They are manipulative behaviours used to coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught. Perpetrators may begin with special attention, tickling, giving gifts, or taking a child on trips. Once trust is established, perpetrators exploit their relationship to isolate the child from other trusted adults or friends. Grooming can take place online or in-person.
They then may slowly progress to talking about sex, showing the child pornography, touching and continue to escalate to other types of sexual abuse. They may tell the child that their relationship is special, and this is what people do when they have a special relationship. Perpetrators often tell the child that this sexual activity should be just between them and that others may not understand their special relationship. This silences the child and can prevent her or him from telling a trusted adult.
Know the warning signs of grooming
- They are being very secretive about how they're spending their time, including when online.
- Having an older boyfriend or girlfriend.
- Having money or new things like clothes and mobile phones that they can't or won't explain.
- Underage drinking or drug taking.
- Spending more or less time online or on their devices.
- Being upset, withdrawn or distressed.
- Sexualized behaviour, language or an understanding of sex that's not appropriate for their age.
- Spending more time away from home or going missing for periods of time.1
Perpetrators can also groom parents if they want to make it seem like a safe space to interact with their child. They come off as trustworthy, charming, kind, and helpful. This is a way for them to gain your trust so they have more direct access to your child. If and when the child decides to disclose the sexual abuse, parents may be less likely to believe them.
What you can do if you see signs of grooming
Let them know they can trust and talk to you at any time but understand they may be hesitant to share this with you at all. Talk to your child about not giving into pressure and breaking off communication with the perpetrator if they feel threatened or uncomfortable. Make sure your child knows that home is a safe space, and they can talk to you about anything.
If your child is being abused, call Beckett Personal Injury Lawyers.
1 NSPCC, Grooming, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/
